I am passionate about working with teens and
have specialized in adolescent issues for fifteen years. I have spent more than 10,000 hours counseling teens and I
typically meet with 15-25 of them each week. I am proud of the fact that in all this time, I have never had an adolescent
refuse to speak to me. (Strangely, I often hear from other therapists that teens refuse to speak to them…)
Because I spend so much of my time seeing teens,
I feel it is important to say the following: Many therapists
work with teens, but not all therapists know HOW to work with teens. I frequently see adolescents who come to me after
working with another therapist and I am sometimes shocked by the stories I hear. All too often, a teen is labeled “oppositional”
or “defiant” simply because they do not have an active conversation with the therapist. In my work, I understand
it may take time to set the stage for meaningful conversation with an adolescent, and teens often need to be INVITED to share.
In my experience, they often do and even the ones who have been labeled as “oppositional” usually share important
things in the first session.
Starting
With An Adolescent In Therapy:
I am often asked how I begin working with a teen. While these are general
guidelines only, here are some details:
1-I
Take A Detailed History Of The Child From The Parent(s) And/Or Caregivers. This may include meeting with them prior to meeting with the teen or it may be done on the phone.
2-I Meet With The Teen Alone (unless he/she would rather meet with the parents, but they almost always want
to meet alone). I speak to the teenager about the following:
(1) Confidentiality,
(2) I am not here to judge them, I am not here to tell them how to live their
lives and I am not here to take sides (theirs or their parents): I am simply here to speak about what is going on and to help
them find their own path forward.
(3) It has been my experience that more than 90% of teens open up immediately and the rest open up shortly
thereafter. This does not mean all teens will completely open up to me, but again, in fifteen years of working with
adolescents, I've never had one refuse to speak to me.
3-I Meet With The Teen And The Parent(S) At The End Of The First Session. I do this simply to tell the parents how the session went; I want them
to know that real work is being done in the session. If the teen wants to speak about some issues with their caregiver
at that time, I allow that happen.
4-I
Meet With Teens In The After-School Hours. Unless
there is an emergency, I personally do not believe a child should be taken out of school for counseling.
Please understand that these are general guidelines
only. If you are considering therapy for your child and would like to speak to me, feel free to leave me a voicemail
message at (925) 935-4000. Please note that for confidentiality reasons, I do not use email for this work.
In My Opinion, Some Of The Important Factors
In Working With A Teen Are:
1-Inviting The Person To Speak. I do this by being curious about their experience, rather than telling the teen to speak
and potentially creating a power struggle.
2-Understanding
That Teenagers May Be At Different Places Developmentally, And That Is Fine! Some teens are quite conversational and some are not. Others may become conversational
but may need to be asked direct questions or to be motivated in some other way. In this work, I stay very engaged while
bringing up the important issues at hand.
3-Understanding
The Wants/Needs Of The Teen. Staying aware of the
wants/needs of the teenager, as well as the wants and needs of the parents, is an important way to create a positive experience
for everyone.
Additionally, I typically
see adolescents from many of the Lamorinda and East Bay schools, including Campolindo, Acalanes, Bently, Miramonte, Holden,
Orinda Academy, Head Royce and many more. Because of my unique specialization, I know quite a number of school counselors
in these and other academic institutions and, when appropriate and with your consent, I can speak to your child’s school
counselor if this makes sense for your child’s treatment plan. Again, if you would like to speak to me about any of the above, feel free to call my office.
